We must be content to look at Ryan Harris' 22 wickets from 2013, and a few other highlights, as his dodgy knee forces him to retire.
Regular Ashes predictions are so boring, so we've whipped up a set of more interesting gambles, with a few serious ones thrown in.
As the first Test in Cardiff approaches, here is the obligatory 'key battles' piece that the cricketing laws require every outlet to publish.
In shorter formats, Pallekele is good for the batsmen, but experience has shown that after two days the deck begins to slow and crumble.
There was no finer sight in the 1990s than watching Sir Curtly. His flowing run up, high action, and aggression were inspiring.