Sounds familiar

"A string of England Test cricket stars are feared to have been embarrassed by a 'Bernie Madoff- style' fraud." - Daily Mail. No Texans are thought to be connected to the case.

Pseuds Corner

Michael Henderson, Daily Telegraph: "This [Monday] morning, as he puts salt in his porridge, and wonders whether to have his eggs poached or scrambled, Ricky Ponting may know how St Sebastian felt. The Australia captain has plucked so many arrows from his flesh during this Test that even Emperor Diocletian, scourge of the Christian martyr, might have bade the archers cease."

No, us neither.

Philanthropy Latest

The Sun and Betfair are not hiding their generosity under a bushel: £s will be donated to the UK's armed forces charity Help for Heroes for every England success with bat and ball.

They provided yet another update Tuesday morning:

"Freddie's heroics at Lord's yesterday not only put England 1-0 up against the Aussies, they also helped our Ashes challenge smash the six-grand barrier.....Flintoff's effort, worth an extra £500, means the total now stands at £6,827 - including a £1,500 win bonus."

1: number of days it takes Andrew Flintoff to earn £6,827.

40-odd: number of seconds it takes for £6,827 to be placed on Betfair.

Yes, it's war!

"KP v ECB in T20 battle! Kevin Pietersen is on collision course with his England bosses because they want to limit his megabucks Twenty20 cricket." - The Sun.

Quotes from Pietersen: none.

Number of times PCA union boss Sean Morris, who is quoted, mentions Pietersen: none.

Best Blog Exchange

AussieWill: "No offence, but the bloke could put a glass eye to sleep."

transparentgoat: "Bell is actually a pretty good batsman to watch when he gets going, so your comment about putting people to sleep is unfair."

AussieWill: "I am not saying Ian Bell is dull as a batsman. I am saying Ian Bell is dull as a concept."

Guardian Unlimited sport run the rule over England's options at number four.

Complete Non-story of the Week

'Former Pakistan chief selector Abdul Qadir says Australia must bring Shane Warne out of retirement it wants to beat England in ongoing Ashes series.

'"Age is not a factor, if Warne can play in IPL (Indian Premier League) I don't see any reason why can't he play in test matches," Qadir told the Associated Press.'

Aye, a real scoop for their Pakistani bureau.

And of course there's absolutely no difference in bowling four overs in a T20 tie and playing a five-day Test.

Media Rumour of the Week

"Who said paparazzi make the lives of celebrities miserable? Andrew Flintoff was photographed celebrating the Ashes win at the Punchbowl, but the nice photographers seemed to make sure that none of the shots that made the papers the next day showed the England cricketer with a crafty fag in his hand." - popbitch.

Best of the Rest

"In 2005, 8.4m watched the Channel 4 coverage of the climactic Sunday of an Ashes Test match. Last Sunday's nail-biter in Cardiff peaked at only 1.5m, which may be massive for a subscription channel, but is shit for cricket and its chances of attracting new fans."

In The Observer David Mitchell explains how the ECB, on a small level, are symptomatic of a world in which billions are going to die prematurely.

"England can still win the Ashes without Kevin Pietersen."

Michael Atherton rather unfashionably dares to dabble with perspective in The Times.

"Hairiness has been a key component of Australian cricket success since the days of the Chappell brothers."

Harry Pearson identifies the missing link in Australia's game plan for The Guardian.

"The sordid reality behind Dubai's gilded façade."

Rod Liddle writes for the Sunday Times on Dubai: conspicuous flaunting of vulgar affluence, medieval theocracy, slave economy. Nothing to do with cricket? It is also home to the International Cricket Council. They must be very proud.