Remember when Cameron Bancroft got caught with some sandpaper in his pants that time? There was a minor kerfuffle over this very funny trifling thing and then, long story short, Bancroft got hit with a mental nine-month ban.
Happily for everyone, he decided to spend that time becoming the sort of gap-year w***er you spent three years studiously avoiding at university.
Better still, he’s now captain of Durham – a remarkable transformation in just one short year for the wide-eyed impressionable youngster bullied by the bigger boys into perpetrating that whole sandpaper hooplah – which means he’s rocked up again to say some more very earnest things about the time he got caught with some sandpaper in his pants.
It’s not the first time, and we desperately hope it won’t be the last. Here is our pick of quite literally some of the most grandiose, self-regarding things real-life LinkedIn account Cameron Bancroft has said over the last year about the time he got caught with some sandpaper in his pants.
“Me being really authentic to others is something I’m passionate about.”
Cameron Bancroft on talking to team-mates about getting caught with some sandpaper in his pants
“It’s like climbing a mountain and you get to a point and stop and look down and realise how far up you are. The chance to do that has been a very rewarding part of the journey.”
Cameron Bancroft on his time away from cricket after getting caught with some sandpaper in his pants
“Until you are able to acknowledge that you are Cameron Bancroft, the person who plays cricket as a profession, and not Cameron Bancroft the cricketer, you will not be able to move forward.”
Cameron Bancroft on Cameron Bancroft getting caught with some sandpaper in Cameron Bancroft’s pants
“I had to go home. Sit with myself, grieve, forgive myself, and then ultimately move forward.”
Cameron Bancroft on getting caught with some sandpaper in his pants
“Because all three of us have been there for each other. We’ve ridden the waves of the last 12 months, we’ve all grown and look forward to seeing how that allows us to help others, and have a strong impact through our mistakes.”
Cameron Bancroft on his and his co-conspirators’ journeys after he got caught with some sandpaper in his pants
“Many people will judge you as a cheat, but that is OK. Always love and respect everyone. You will love those people because you forgive them. Just like you’re going to forgive yourself.”
Cameron Bancroft on people’s reaction to him getting caught with some sandpaper in his pants
“Absolutely. We’re good people, very honest and passionate people.”
Cameron Bancroft on whether he would like to play with David Warner again after getting caught with some sandpaper in his pants
“Maybe cricket isn’t for you, you’ll ask yourself… will you return? Yoga will be such a fulfilling experience. It’s hard to feel this reality could exist.”
Cameron Bancroft on considering a possible career change after getting caught with some sandpaper in his pants
Matt Carter, who made his first-class debut in 2015, will now remain at Trent Bridge until the end of the 2021 campaign.
Bairstow has been reprimanded by the ICC after using “an audible obscenity”.
On this day: Armistice, Inzi, Healy and y = f(x)…
Deepak Chahar recorded the best bowling figures in T20 international history as India sealed a 2-1 series win against Bangladesh.
Because everyone loves quantifying performances.
The future’s bright, the future’s England.
Can England play New Zealand every year now please.
“We don’t want to keep this happening”… neither do New Zealand.