Nine hilariously bad crickety adverts

Australia

Cricket and advertising has never been the chummiest of relationships. Cricket takes itself so seriously that when it tries to be funny it often fails. It has a forced feeling about it. Like the school bully making a joke about himself.

Cricket and advertising has never been the chummiest of relationships. Cricket takes itself so seriously that when it tries to be funny it often fails. It has a forced feeling about it. Like the school bully making a joke about himself. You know if you laugh nothing good will come of it.

While some sports have found a way to have their players look cool in adverts, cricket never quite manages to pull this off. While football has Brazil playing in airports to samba rhythms, cricket has Marcus Trescothick pretending to DJ in batting <a href='http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adjDebimK5A' class='instorylink'><b>gloves</b></a>.

The adverts put together to promote a series are often the richest vein of weird. This one from India is a special kind of strange. A grandfather sits in his armchair, possibly a victim of a stroke, certainly unable to speak. The gas cooker has been left on and the rest of the family are all playing with matches. He is desperate to tell them of the danger, but unable to communicate with them. This we are told is what watching India vs Pakistan feels like. It is more like a budget medical drama based in an Accident and Emergency department.

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Football/cricket crossover is a strong theme for advertisers. This seems to be on the basis that the more famous faces you can get into a 40 second advert the more chance there is that the cool kids will be buying your carbonated beverage. Perhaps the most cringeworthy is Lionel Messi's effort. He is challenged to a game of cricket and bowls with an action more suspect than anything Muttiah Muralitharan ever managed. He then kicks the ball, but you already knew that would happen.

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Danny Morrison is the archetype of the 21st Century cricket commentator. There is no one better at screaming disconnected adjectives over cricket coverage. There is not another human alive who can effortlessly use a brand name to describe a six. So it comes as no surprise that he is responsible for one of the most remarkable series preview adverts in cricket history. He is almost naked, he is covered in war paint, he is coughing. It has everything.

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Ian Botham is known as Beefy. Alan Lamb is known as Lamby. Who better then to star as the voices of animated versions of themselves advertising British meat products. Surprisingly Beefy likes beef, and Lamby likes lamb. They cook meat together in their cricket whites. It doesn't make all that much sense.

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What gets them going? What kills their fears? What do they scream? What charges the Rajasthan Royals team? Questions that we have all asked. Thankfully this advert from Mountain Dew tells us. It is a bright yellow soft drink. Rahul Dravid leads his team in a chant based around the sticky liquid. They bang bottles on the table and shake them around which only makes you think there would be a big mess if they were to open them. This is more of a video nasty than anything that you will see on the top shelf of your local DVD stockist. A strong stomach is needed for this one.

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Despite my love of the South African born maverick, there are times when Kevin Pietersen has let me down. There was the time he danced to Gangnam Style on Indian TV. Then there was this. The advert features Pietersen loading watermelons on the back of a track. He is told he needs to 'flip it around and give it a big swing.' Having mastered this skill with the fruit and veg seller he is all set to perform the switch hit. Clearly England's misfiring limited overs batsmen need to spend some more time at New Covent Garden market with the fresh produce.

<a href='http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcXWwNt5McY' class='instorylink'><b>Watch it here.</b></a>

No such list would be complete without an appearance from Shane Keith Warne. In this belter of a commercial, two fair dinkum Aussie blokes strike up the courage to ask Shane about his hair loss. Thank goodness that they did, because it gives the spin bowler the chance to tell them just how great it is at Advanced Hair Studios. It will be interesting if further commercials come to light for each of the other cosmetic procedures he has undergone. Watch this space.

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Just this week England's new sponsor gave us an advert that will feature on this kind of list for years to come. It features James Anderson and Stuart Broad shopping in Waitrose. This in itself makes sense, it is a logical tie in of England's main sponsor and its big names. That they are wearing full England kits makes it a little more surreal. Katherine Brunt is there, but we are not told why. Then the chief BBC Cricket Correspondent does the voiceover. The man who is best placed to hold England's cricket authorities to account is involved in a campaign that seals the board's relationship with it is biggest sponsor. It makes it hard for us to consider him an independent voice. Then England's new Managing Director gets a name check at the end, apropos of nothing.

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<b>Peter Miller</b>

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