Australia Ashes power ranking sees Carey, Smith climb and Green dive
After winning the first Test thanks to Mitchell Starc, Travis Head and the England cricket team, the second Test saw more of the Aussies come to the Ashes party and condemn the England players to long, hard looks in the mirror between schooners and sunbathing on their hollybobs.
The England power ranking makes for grim reading, if you’re so inclined, but here’s the Aussie positions after the Gabba, with their previous spots post-Perth in brackets.
13) Usman Khawaja (11)
While old man Khawaja was getting a rub down as Jake Weatherald was sent packing second ball by Jofra Archer in the first innings in Perth England fans were rubbing their hands with glee at the thought of Australia heading into a second Test with no idea who might occupy either of their opening batting spots.
Khawaja then received a snorter from Brydon Carse in what may very well be his last ball in Test cricket to prompt further mirth from the Barmy Army, only for Weatherald to look perfectly capable in the next three innings and for Travis Head to do his madness.
12) Nathan Lyon (10)
He batted for more balls (21) than he bowled (12) in Perth but got hit for nearly double the number of runs (10) in the his two overs than he scored himself (4). Didn’t get a catch and we would love to know how many times he actually touched the ball in that Test match. We suspect the Aussie selection committee regretted Lyon’s inclusion in the XI after the first over of the first day and acted on that regret for the Gabba.
“Absolutely filthy” was the poetic way Lyon summed up his mood after being told he wasn’t playing on the morning of the second Test match. The quite extraordinary balling of fists from just about every Australian as a result will have provided scant solace for the spinner as he watched the bowling attack in his absence roll England with consummate ease.
11) Josh Inglis (n/a)
Didn’t look much like a Test batsman on his way to 23 before leaving a massive gap between bat and pad while caught on the crease as Ben Stokes cleaned him up. But we suspect the Aussie selectors may have taken a limited contribution had they known he was going to effect the Stokes run out. Such a massive moment in the Test match.
10) Cameron Green (6)
He’s got one wicket for 81 runs in 16 overs and 69 far from chanceless runs in two innings, the second of which at the Gabba bizarrely saw him back away and get cleaned up by Brydon Carse.
Fortunately or Green and Australia, England have been so pants that they can afford to have him in the team playing his way back into form.
9) Brendan Doggett (5)
Finished his debut Test match with very impressive figures of 5 for 78 but not one of those wickets was a good ball. Harry Brook gloved a long hop rather than smashing it for six. He got Brydon Carse twice, caught at deep backward square and then caught behind as the England bowler tried to scoop him. Jamie Smith was strangled down the leg side. Jofra Archer spooned a pull shot straight up in the air.
Two further wickets at the Gabba and still yet to get a conventional seam bowler’s dismissal, with Gus Atkinson dabbing a pull shot straight to Steve Smith and Marnus Labuschagne taking a brilliant diving catch in the deep to get rid of Archer.
Feel slightly sorry for Doggett, given the task of short-pitched bowling his game clearly isn’t suited to. Not that sorry though – he’s playing in the Ashes. Maybe not again though, with Pat Cummins set to return for Adelaide.
8) Marnus Labuschagne (4)
Maybe the one silver lining as England fans enduring Travis Head’s extraordinary 123 off 83 balls to win the first Test for Australia was Labuschagne producing his own very fine innings of 51 not out from 49 balls and receiving no credit whatsoever for it. Got another half century at the Gabba before tickling at one he didn’t need to, before getting a snorter from Atkinson in the second.
Clearly the most gear-grinding of all the Australians, often for his teammates but far more so for the opposition, and therefore a particularly valuable asset when he’s in form.
7) Jake Weatherald (8)
Quite the debut to be handed as an opening batsman and his “watch the ball, watch the ball” mantra didn’t pay dividends in the first innings in Perth vs Jofra Archer, but Weatherald has looked every bit a 31-year-old batsman who knows his game since then, scoring a quick and impressive 72 in the first innings at the Gabba and finishing the Test match with his wicket in tact.
6) Scott Boland (3)
We thoroughly enjoyed Michael Vaughan’s suggestion after the first innings in Perth that Boland’s legs had gone, failing dramatically to heed his own warning roughly ten seconds earlier on TMS to not write the Aussie bowlers off, only for Boland to rip through England’s top order in the second innings in Perth.
Having doled up half-volleys for fun to make England’s vow to target him all too easy after they succeeded in that quest in the England Ashes series, Boland got on “one of his rolls” in the second innings to make the visitors pay and swing momentum back in Australia’s favour that the visitors have failed to wrestle back since.
Averages 32.71 after the first two Tests but we wouldn’t bet against that creeping down further for the rest of the series. A bowler who crucially knows his own game very well indeed.
5) Michael Neser (n/a)
Series after down under series we were told there was no place for dibbly-dobbly seamers on bouncy Aussie pitches, and here was Neser, pitching the ball up with Alex Carey up the stumps, catching balls chipped back to him or snicking batsmen off. Six wickets at an average of 14.16. Sickening.
4) Steve Smith (9)
He celebrated his admittedly excellent diving catch to dismiss Will Jacks and break England’s resistance in the second innings at the Gabba like he had just found out that a re-release of The Lord of the Rings trilogy would include unseen behind-the-scenes footage of an elf doing something with a bow and arrow.
We’re of a mind to criticise the England batters’ stupidity rather than his captaincy, but the ball did very frequently fall into the hands of the fielders he positioned, and to himself more often than not.
He averages just over 50 in the series after a couple of red-inkers, including walking off at the Gabba having ‘championed’ Jofra Archer quite gloriously, but a man with a famously excellent Ashes record has now scored just one century in his last 25 Test innings’ against England. Christ, there’s one coming, isn’t there?
3) Alex Carey (7)
Genuinely quite hard to remember a better wicket-keeping performance than the one we saw from Carey at the Gabba. We’re sure he used to be known as a batsman who could keep wicket, but the balance and impeccable glove-work he displayed when stood up to Michael Neser was truly wonderful and made for a stark comparison with England’s Jamie Smith.
Played a very poor shot after incredibly top scoring for Australia with 26 in the first innings in Perth and was dropped first ball by Ben Duckett at the Gabba on his way to 63.
2) Travis Head (1)
Played a couple of daft shots at the Gabba, spooning one in the air and then playing on, but did alright in Perth.
Much more irritating than one of the great Ashes innings, in which Head made a track that had been too hot to handle for every other batsman in the Test match look like a motorway as he dispatched the England bowlers to all parts to turn a tight game into a comprehensive victory in the space of two hours, is how hard he’s made it to dislike him in the aftermath.
“No it’s not – not even close,” he said before Steve Smith had even opened his mouth in response to it maybe being “the best knock he had ever seen” in the post-Test press conference. Self-deprecation having casually offered himself up to open in the second inning with a simple “I’ll do it”, he really is a good proverbial.
As he again showed through his regret at “accidentally hitting Jofra (Archer) back over his head for six at one point” on Australian radio station Triple M, concerned that “at any moment they can put a hole through me”.
Screw you for making us hope they don’t, Travis.
1) Mitchell Starc (2)
18 wickets – nine more than anyone else – in the series to leap 12 places in the all-time Ashes wickets list with 115 in just 24 Tests. For context, Sir Jimmy Anderson got 117 wickets in 39.
And perhaps the greatest compliment anyone can pay Starc is that he’s led that Aussie attack, taking all those wickets, and we’re not sure he’s swung a ball yet, instead wobbling the seam a la Stuart Broad while carrying the burden of responsibility with laughable comfort in the absence of Pat Cumins and Josh Hazlewood.