The Ashes helps to define what it is to be English and Australian
The Ashes is a competition like none other in English sport.
Not just because it is a five-game series with a history going back to 1882. Not just because over the 70 series it is so evenly balanced with 33 Australia wins and 32 English. Not just because of the historical relationship between the two countries.
It is like none other because for many people it helps define what it is to be English and Australian.
When England were routinely thrashed by them it was often painted as emblematic as part of a general decline in standards and status of the country.
When Australia is handed a steaming bowl of whup ass by England, it often seems as if they have disgraced the whole nation and are somehow less than proper men.
After all, the reason itâs called The Ashes is because the urn contains the ashes of a bail which The Sporting Times after Australia’s 1882 victory at The Oval for its first Test win on English soil wrote a satirical obituary for English cricket obituary saying “the body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia”.
As a boy I absorbed the notion that Australian cricket was synonymous with the Australian character and that character was brutish, unsophisticated, vulgar, aggressive and quite capable of cheating.
While this is clearly a crude stereotype, we still have echoes of it today, so much so that when David Warner and Steve Smith were caught ball-tampering, many just shrugged and said, âof course they did, theyâre Aussiesâ.
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However my granddad Fred, who was an advocate of the philosophy that âcricket shows you the manâ, held out against this cliched notion of the men from Down Under.
Born in the late 19th century, heâd watched every Ashes Test played at Headingley since 1909 when England played their 100th Test match, which happened to be the third in that Ashes series, and promptly got skittled out for 87 in the second innings, losing to the baggy green by 126 runs.
I used to tape his recollections and have subsequently transcribed some. This is an extract. Youâve got to imagine this being spoken in a broad West Yorkshire accent by an old man who is rolling fags as he talks. He was speaking in 1979.
âIt were a typical green early July Headingley wicket. Thereâd been a lot of rain so everyone knew it would take spin, probably onât first day. By God did it ever take spin. It were like bowling on cobbles.
âThey won the toss and batted and scored 180-something and took bloody ages to do it (it was off 73 overs). They didnât trust the wicket and they were right not to. Rhodes took four of âem. I thought ‘e were great. Everyone were saying, we already âad it in tâbag but that were rubbish.
âI were only 14, it were me first Test, but I thought weâd be in right trouble on that strip. The ball were swinginâ all over tâplace and turning like nobodyâs business. Anyways, they did us, diânt they? They âad this lad, Macartney, they called âim. The papers said he had a nickname – âthe Governor-Generalâ – due to his batting style. Never worked out what that meant.
âWell he was nowt with the bat that Test but he were a crackinâ left arm spinner and he went through our lads like a dose oâ salts. I think he opened the bowling, which were always a sign that tâwicket were a mess. Took seven. We got 180-something and we were lucky to get that.
âNever seen a wicket like it. They left âem uncovered in them days, of course. Anyways they got a couple of hundred in their second knock so we only âad to get 200-odd (their lead was 208) but they murdered us again. The spinner took another four and we lost by over 120.
âIt were the first time Iâd seen the Aussies and Iâll tell you this, they were bloody good. They played that pitch as well as anyone ever couldâve. They were intelligent. Used their brains.
âEveryone used to say yâknow, âoh bloody Aussies theyâre all bloody thugs and criminalsâ.
âThey still say that anâ all, but itâs pure snobbery, our John. And you still âear that today wiâ Lillee and them lot. People âave a go saying theyâre bullies. Rubbish!
âLet me tell you summat, you need brains to be a good cricketer. I saw all the greats from Down Under…Bradman, Ponsford, Lindwall, Miller, âe were magnificent were Miller, could do it all. And now youâve got this lad Thomson and Marsh…all of âem.
âThe idea theyâre just bullies is right bloody daft. But you still âear it. <puts on a posh voice> âOh dear theyâre frightfully rough and tough, Giles.â (his go-to name for posh blokes was always Giles) Itâs just stuck-up English who canât see their true worth.
âThe best Aussie sides were a perfect mix of âead and âeart. I know, Iâve seen âem all. Clever thinkers and had the guts for a fight. If stuck-up southerners donât bloody like that, it shows how small-minded they bloody are.
âI wish weâd âad a bit more mettle to us over the years, John. So donât have none of this anti-Aussie nonsense that Iâve âeard your dad spouting. Itâs not right. You underestimate those lads at your peril. If England are going to beat âem more often, theyâre going to âave to be more like âem,â thatâs what I reckon, and I reckon Iâm right.â
He often signed off one of his philosophical musings with âthatâs what I reckon, and I reckon Iâm right.â It was the sign that the discussion was over.
Fredâs word was gospel to me. Heâd watched so much cricket over his life from Test to county, to local league and had thought much about it too, so if he said something, you took notice.
And even now, as we stand on the verge of another Ashes, even with England as favourites, his words come back to me and are probably the reason why before any Ashes series I expect England to lose, or at least if they donât play like Australia!