Did you see… David Warner’s beard?

Before we get into this, I first want to reassure you that Did You See is not a body hair feature and, closely related to that, I want to doubly reassure you that in following David Willey’s Alice band with David Warner’s beard, I am not slowly working my way down the human body.
David Warner’s beard then. Did you see it?
Here’s a video of him talking through it.
"Lots of hugs and cuddles": David Warner says he's excited for what lies ahead after meeting up with the Aussie squad in Dubai.
Full story: https://t.co/TuLVtvcrrU pic.twitter.com/NTtmWRT5lw— cricket.com.au (@cricketcomau) March 17, 2019
Some people suit beards and some people don’t suit beards. All we can really state with confidence about David Warner is that he doesn’t suit this particular beard.
Warner’s beard is not a sportsman’s beard. It is a beard you might glimpse on a Bruges chocolatier, or on an ominously mute member of a rural religious community in an old episode of the X-Files. (He’s just working in the background while Mulder and Scully are speaking to someone else, but then he turns away just a bit too quickly when Scully spies him watching them.)
It is not a good beard – but this doesn’t mean it is inappropriate for Warner.
The hypersensitive bully; the Reverend with the uncontrollable inner chimp – Warner is a man of contradictions and his beard is contradictory too. Somehow it manages to be both thick and sparse; both bushy and transparent. It is undeniably ‘too much’ and yet at the same time it is just as undeniably ‘not enough’.
Chennai Super Kings | Mumbai Indians | Royal Challengers Bangalore | Kings XI Punjab | Delhi Capitals | Sunrisers Hyderabad | Rajasthan Royals | Kolkata Knight Riders
How did the beard come about? I’m well aware how beards develop, but how did Warner make the decision to allow it to annex his entire jaw?
I have a theory that Warner heard he was to spend a year in the metaphorical wilderness and took this to mean he should spend a year in the actual wilderness and so he’s been sleeping in a tent in the bush with no razor.
Or maybe it’s a statement beard. ‘The David Warner you knew is dead,’ says the beard. ‘This is a reborn David Warner; one who will make sure he is aligned with the team’s values moving forward and who absolutely will not be cheating by knackering up the surface of a cricket ball with sandpaper.’
It’s hard to imagine the beard getting that exact message across too clearly, but it is easy to imagine people talking about it and how weird it looks. So maybe it’s just a distraction beard; a sacrificial beard.
David Warner has surrendered his lower face to save himself.
Latest
-
County Cricket
Tom Curran taking break from red-ball cricket for ‘my body and my mental health’
The 27-year-old has endured injury problems in recent years.
-
The Ashes
Olly Stone hopes to play a role in an England pace trio during this year’s Ashes
Stone hopes to play a role this summer along with Jofra Archer and Mark Wood.
-
England
Olly Stone ready for whatever role is required to make England World Cup squad
‘Any way in the England team, I’ll snap someone’s hand off,’ said Stone.
-
Women's Cricket
Dane van Niekerk ‘absolutely broken’ to miss World Cup over fitness standards
The South Africa captain was unable to complete a two-kilometre run in the minimum required time.
-
England
Run of defeats has not damaged England’s confidence, insists Moeen Ali
The all-rounder is confident England will be in good shape for the defence of their World Cup crown.
-
County Cricket
Lancashire sign New Zealand pair Daryl Mitchell and Colin de Grandhomme
The all-rounders will be available to play in the LV= Insurance County Championship and Vitality T20 Blast throughout the season.
-
England
Jos Buttler admits he needs to find his rhythm as England lose to South Africa
The hosts won the second ODI by five wickets to clinch the series in Bloemfontein.
-
South Africa
Temba Bavuma hits hundred as South Africa secure ODI series win over England
The Proteas chased down 343 at Bloemfontein to go 2-0 up in the three-match series.
-
England
Jos Buttler and Harry Brook give England hope of levelling ODI series
England reached 342 for seven against South Africa, with Buttler making 94 and Brook 80.
-
England
Jason Roy was never ready to ‘roll over’ despite year of setbacks and low points
Roy has for so long been England’s pacesetter at the top of the order but lost his place in the side.