Inside The Hundred: How ‘London X’ somehow got binned

Blueberry Muffin London X

A PR consultancy firm’s offices, Clapham. They are breakfasting and thinking about cricketainment.

A man the ECB have decided to give money to: “Right, everyone. Thanks for arriving to us. We’ve nailed the other names for The Hundred, but there’s still some doubts on The Oval franchise so we’ve got a couple of Surrey cricketistas in to test the vibe. So, guys, you don’t like London X, no?”

Alec Stewart: “No.”

Gareth Batty: “No.”

Man: “Okay, that’s so great. I’m loving your positivity on this but sensing some pushback. What’s your negative input vector?”

Stewart: “What?”

Man: “Why don’t you like London X?”

Stewart: “It sounds like a Babestation spin-off, pal.”

Man: “Ha, I love your verbal bistro, Alec. And you, Gareth?”

Batty: “Have you got any toast?”

Man: “Er, no, sorry, but help yourself to the blueberry and chia seed muffins. Anyway, our creative womb, if I may, Yvonna, will now push out a few other possibilities for you to baptize.”

Batty: “You what?”

Man: “She’ll go through some other names.”

Batty: “Oh right. Nice one.”

Yvonna: “Yes, so we were thinking London Fuse….”

Stewart: “Of what?”

Yvonna: “I’m sorry.”

Stewart: “Views of what?”

Yvonna: “Ha, that’s so funny. No, Alec, Fuse, not Views. Who’d call a team London Views?!”

Batty: “That’s not bad that, actually. The London Views.”

Yvonna: “Fuse. It’s London Fuse. Right next. London Union?”

Stewart: “Bit lefty. Not my thing.”

Yvonna: “London Rebels?”

Batty: “Bloody lovely!”

Yvonna: “Oh great. You like it?”

Batty: “No, I meant these chia seeds. Delicious. The name’s rubbish.”

Yvonna: “London Enzymes?”

Stewart: “No.”

Yvonna: “London Decimals?”

Stewart: “No,but I see what you’ve done there.”

Yvonna: “London Chieftain?”

Stewart: “No and should be plural anyway.”

Yvonna: “London Spirit?”

Stewart: “If we must.”

Man: “Right, okay. Well that’s all gone terrifically well. Multiple thanks, guys.”

Batty: “Can I take one of these with me?”

Man: “Totally, Gareth.”

As made up by James Marsh (We can’t stress that enough: this is made up.)