Inside The Hundred: How ‘London X’ somehow got binned
A PR consultancy firm’s offices, Clapham. They are breakfasting and thinking about cricketainment.
A man the ECB have decided to give money to: “Right, everyone. Thanks for arriving to us. We’ve nailed the other names for The Hundred, but there’s still some doubts on The Oval franchise so we’ve got a couple of Surrey cricketistas in to test the vibe. So, guys, you don’t like London X, no?”
Alec Stewart: “No.”
Gareth Batty: “No.”
Man: “Okay, that’s so great. I’m loving your positivity on this but sensing some pushback. What’s your negative input vector?”
Stewart: “What?”
Man: “Why don’t you like London X?”
Stewart: “It sounds like a Babestation spin-off, pal.”
Man: “Ha, I love your verbal bistro, Alec. And you, Gareth?”
Batty: “Have you got any toast?”
Man: “Er, no, sorry, but help yourself to the blueberry and chia seed muffins. Anyway, our creative womb, if I may, Yvonna, will now push out a few other possibilities for you to baptize.”
Batty: “You what?”
Man: “She’ll go through some other names.”
Batty: “Oh right. Nice one.”
Yvonna: “Yes, so we were thinking London Fuse….”
Stewart: “Of what?”
Yvonna: “I’m sorry.”
Stewart: “Views of what?”
Yvonna: “Ha, that’s so funny. No, Alec, Fuse, not Views. Who’d call a team London Views?!”
Batty: “That’s not bad that, actually. The London Views.”
Yvonna: “Fuse. It’s London Fuse. Right next. London Union?”
Stewart: “Bit lefty. Not my thing.”
Yvonna: “London Rebels?”
Batty: “Bloody lovely!”
Yvonna: “Oh great. You like it?”
Batty: “No, I meant these chia seeds. Delicious. The name’s rubbish.”
Yvonna: “London Enzymes?”
Stewart: “No.”
Yvonna: “London Decimals?”
Stewart: “No,but I see what you’ve done there.”
Yvonna: “London Chieftain?”
Stewart: “No and should be plural anyway.”
Yvonna: “London Spirit?”
Stewart: “If we must.”
Man: “Right, okay. Well that’s all gone terrifically well. Multiple thanks, guys.”
Batty: “Can I take one of these with me?”
Man: “Totally, Gareth.”
As made up by James Marsh (We can’t stress that enough: this is made up.)
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