One million sign petition calling for England ODI strategy to be rewritten

Bored by the relentless massacres and rampant aggression of recent series, one million England fans have signed a petition demanding the side’s ODI strategy be completely rewritten.
Calling for less gratuitous violence against opposition bowlers, supporters have even requested Jonathan Trott return to the fold for the team’s opening World Cup match against South Africa. The stolid batsman retired from professional cricket some time ago, but many long-term observers of the game still yearn for the time his more subtle use of the blade was the norm.
While many supporters have kept faith with this more attacking episode of England’s ODI history, some wish to see Eoin Morgan’s men return to the more nuanced storylines of past series which, although less combative, were a more even battle between bat and ball. The fact England are hot favourites to claim cricket’s ODI throne has done little to calm growing fears in some quarters that the current bellicose nature of their batsmen has ruined the whole sport.
ECB reject Ashes shirt numbers as they ‘could contain multiples of six’
Cottrell celebration named official meme of The Hundred
ICC urged to ban ears after latest on-field controversies
Simon Hoffborne, a computer technician and weekend orc from Peterborough, explained why he had signed the petition calling for England’s ODI blueprint to be revamped. “Look, I love watching Jos slaughter bowlers as much as anyone, but just seeing the same thing week after week, game after game has frankly got a bit boring,” he said. “I’ll probably still watch the World Cup to the end to find out what happens but I’ll be glad when it’s all over to be honest.”
Susan Francis, a maths teacher from Manchester, was equally unhappy. “If Trott isn’t brought back and England don’t target 270 in every match, I will be watching repeats of The Big Bang Theory instead of the World Cup. Or reading a nice book. Books are better sometimes. Just my opinion.”
Trott himself, though, distanced himself from the idea. “Look, I’m very flattered people are hankering after the days Cook, Belly and I scripted England’s ODI totals, but new guys have come in and decided a more gung-ho approach is required. Is that guaranteed to produce success? Well, we’ll find out. A big summer of English cricket is coming,” winked the impish scallywag.
As made up by James Marsh (We can’t stress that enough: this is made up.)
Latest
-
News
Has ‘Bazball’ taken hold in county cricket? What the numbers tell us
Brendon McCullum and Ben Stokes are keen to see their England side’s aggressive approach replicated in the domestic game.
-
News
Opening batter Ben Duckett backed to thrive long-term in second England chance
Since his recall late last year, Duckett has been the model opening batter for the regime under Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum.
-
News
Alex Hartley: Taking indefinite break from cricket was ‘hardest decision’ ever
Hartley announced on her BBC No Balls Podcast on Friday that she had been “struggling mentally” for several months.
-
News
England will keep embracing risks during Ashes despite ‘blip’ – Daryl Mitchell
England have enjoyed some rousing successes since Ben Stokes and Kiwi favourite Brendon McCullum took over the Test team.
-
News
Australia captain Meg Lanning ruled out of women’s Ashes
Cricket Australia said the 31-year-old has been ‘withdrawn from the squad due to a medical issue’.
-
News
Sean Abbott equals Blast record with stunning century for Surrey
The Australian equalled his compatriot Andrew Symonds by scoring a century from just 34 deliveries.
-
News
Six former Yorkshire players sanctioned by CDC in Azeem Rafiq racism case
Gary Ballance, Matthew Hoggard, Tim Bresnan, Andrew Gale, John Blain and Richard Pyrah have been handed combined fines of £22,000.
-
News
Cricket Ireland defends decision to rest Josh Little for England Test
The 23-year-old left-armer is one of Irish cricket’s hottest properties.
-
England
On this day in 2015: England hire Trevor Bayliss as head coach
Bayliss led England to World Cup glory in 2019.
-
England
Jason Roy looks Los Angeles-bound but says ‘I never will walk away from England’
The batter has had to cancel the remainder of his current incremental contract with the England and Wales Cricket Board.